Texts From Jane Eyre by Mallory Ortberg

This reviewer isn’t even sure where to begin with this book.  Imagine your favorite classic authors and famous book characters had access to cell phones.  Add in some goofy modern day language and text-speak and you have Texts From Jane Eyre by Mallory Ortberg.  The result is a book that will have you snorting and LOLing from the very first page.  Here is an example in the form of a short exchange between Jo and Meg from Little Women:

"MEG

MEG

MEG WHAT’S ALL THIS

WHATS ALL THIS I’M HEARING 

ABOUT YOUR GETTING MARRIED

tell me it’s a wretched lie

Jo I don’t know how many more times 

we have to have this conversation

I’ll have it a THOUSAND TIMES if I must

But yes

I’m still marrying John tomorrow

OH GREAT TRIPLE-HORNED GOD

Just like I was planning to yesterday

This is unbearable

And also last month

Answer me this, then

Who exactly do you think is going to play Mercy when 

we put on my version of The Pilgrim’s Progress this summer?

I wrote that part for YOU

Wrote it beautifully in fact

I don’t know darling

She gets a cracking scene with the villain Rodrigo where 

he tries to poison her and she screams and faints and everything

I don’t remember anyone named Rodrigo 

in The Pilgrim’s Progress

THAT’S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE MEG

I’m very sorry

This production will be ruined

Why don’t you ask Amy?

I’m not even going to dignify that with a response"

[end scene]

Ortberg takes you through the text convos of such classics as Rebecca, Hamlet, Les Miserables, Great Expectations and many more.  You’ll even get to see what Edgar Allen Poe was thinking while he wrote The Raven!

In all seriousness, this book is absolutely delightful and with the holiday season fast approaching, would make a wonderful gift for any classic literature lovers in your life. 

Check out a copy of Texts From Jane Eyre from the library today!